I know it better than anyone: there's too much of me. Too much softness, too much roundness, too much chunk. I'm overweight. By a lot. I think life gets soooooo busy sometimes (and often pretty stressful, like everyone's lives) that I just simply put it off. One big excuse that I've used lately is, "I'll wait until the older boys leave home cause it's impossible to lose weight with kids at home."

Heck, I know how to lose weight, cause I've done it in the past. Around the time Natasha came home from Russia, I'd lost 90 pounds. Of course, after that time, I slowly put it all back on (kids'll do that to you!), disgusting myself.

It's all in my head. I know that I'm too big, and I know how damaging it is/can be. I know how to get it off. I am a physical therapist, for pete's sake! I KNOW how important exercise is for me!! I've just gotten lazy, and started emotional eating, which really isn't how I got here, but it's what has kept me here.

On that looooooong 25 hour drive home from Iowa, with quiet Nikolai in the car, I had a LOT of time to think, and I've come to some interesting conclusions that I thought I'd share. I plan to reread these frequently and hope they help. So, in no particular order, here are my ponderings from the highways of the southeast of the US:

1. It's okay to be hungry! It's not pain, and it can go away at any time I choose. It is not permanent, and isn't damaging. It's just simply uncomfortable - trying to NEVER be hungry is causing this problem and it's stupid.
2. Food will NOT disappear, despite what the the "food insurance" folks say. That doughnut in 7-11 that is staring at me will be still be there tomorrow!!! (Or a replacement one will, anyway!) It is NOT the last chance I will have to eat a doughnut (even an apple fritter, which are my favorites). Food is plentiful in this country and I don't need to panic that I will be deprived and go without. Food WILL be replenished, for goodness' sake! If I don't eat it, that's OKAY! It will be there again tomorrow, and the next day and the next! I don't need to fill up so full at meals, for the same reason.
3. Exercise: this is something I know a LOT about, due to my profession, but I am a hypocrite when I tell my patients how important it is. If it was so important, why don't I do more of it?? Yes, time is an issue, as it is with everyone (especially working moms), but that's just too bad. I multitask in every other area of my life, but I can't multitask with exercise? That's stupid. I know how important it is. I can feel it, now that I've reached a certain birthday and things are starting to change inside. It stinks!
4. Exercise is never wasted, as I tell my patients. If I'm consistent, IT WILL HELP. The thing is to be consistent!! I know what to do and I know how to do it and why. I just simply need to convince my lazy self that I NEED TO DO IT!! So what if it's too hot in FL to walk? I'll take Mary for walks in the morning before work - that way I can take my shower at the same time as always and I can't use the excuse that it's a pain to clean up after exercising cause it won't be. She would LOVE it if I started walking her (Daisy too!!) and it would be SO good for me. Shoot, I might even start taking little jogs (ha!). I do wish I had a human partner to go with us, though... I know that would help a great deal and be very motivating.

I KNOW how to lose weight. I just simply need the motivation, support and to get my head in the game, cause with me, it's all in my head. I CAN DO THIS.